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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Angst? Moi?

Okay so I let slip in the comments of another blog that once published a book of awful angsty poetry, and one Ms. Glory von Hathor has called me out on the comments of my previous post.
I'm not sure I want to post some embarrassing poetry here just yet. After all, this is a happy and upbeat blog, innit?

I am perfectly willing to embarrass myself with some photography! So here is a picture of me back in my poetry writing days, to give you an idea of exactly how awful and angsty it is:

Ah yes, back when I didn't have a nose. Tragic, that was. I remember the mishap at the hospital when they did the nose transplant and accidentally gave me a third eye:

And in all fairness, the book is still available. It's called The Monster and The Machine, Temperamental Musings of a Reluctant Poet. It's over priced. You are better off picking up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but you get the idea.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

So This Is A Week Late...

...but Deemack left a pirate joke in the comments of my Talk Like A Pirate Day post which made me chuckle. It also made me think of the pirate joke that once inspired my whole office to become pirates every time they were frustrated.

It's a PG-13 joke.

A pirate walks into a bar, with a steering wheel sewn to the front of his trousers. The bartender comments, "That doesn't look very comfortable, why do you have a steering wheel attached to your trousers?"
The pirate replies, "It drives me nuts!"

Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Feel free to tell a joke in the comments, the world needs more funnies. Keep it clean-ish :)

Thursday, September 24, 2009

What Have We Been Up To?

I'm in pain. Serious pain. I have soreness in places that I didn't know exist. My absence from the blogging world this week is due to the reason I am so sore. We are almost done with the kitchen and we have been working our butts off. Actually, Jason has been doing 200% of the work so I shouldn't complain, but last night we grouted well into the wee hours of the night and I paid for it today.
We began serious work over Memorial Day weekend, 2007, with a bathroom renovation that was supposed to be a weekend project:

This is what we had at the end of the weekend. Rotted subflloor, lead pipes, rotten insulation, rotted piers. The bottom picture shows the laundry room, bathroom and a bit of what would become my office. The original bathroom dimensions were 4ft by 4ft or something equally small. We used the fact that we had to cut out so much rotten floor as an opportunity to extend to a full bath.
About a year later we were done, and then it was on to the kitchen and back room.
This picture of Luke shows the horrible linoleum that was the previous kitchen floor:
I have pictures of the completed bathroom, but I can't find them :(
Here is the evolution of my office:

The last picture doesn't look al the way in, but it's better that way, you don't need to see the chaos. Not too shabby though right? That's Jason's guitar, Penny's just trying to look cool posing with it.
The kitchen used to be Galley style, smack dab in the middle of the house, with claustrophobic cabinets that sat too low leaving only about a foot of space to work on the awful yellow tiled counter tops. I don't have any pictures, I wish I did. It had a crazy copper tiled wall which might have looked nice in another room, but not this one.
We knocked out a few walls and put up a cedar support beam. We're planning on doing cedar trim throughout. I picked the color, it's Valspar's Paris Green. The opposite wall is going to be a slightly darker accent color that will run the entire length of the kitchen and living room.

And here's a picture of the amazing husband in motion, without whom none of this would have ever got done, or at least, without whom this would have been done half assed and would have fallen apart already:

And here's me, looking like I did a lot of work, when really I just like making a mess:

We are so close to having a kitchen that I can almost taste six pounds of mashed potatoes!

Saturday, September 19, 2009


Ahoy Mateys!

This be Talk Like A Pirate Day!

So I drew you a pirate in MS Paint:
My maiden name sort of means pirate. okay it doesn't, but in 3 different Eastern European languages it means, boat maker, boat master an one who takes power by force, so I combined them and got pirate. Which makes my middle and maiden name Holy Mother Pirate!
I'll stop being a dork now...

Friday, September 18, 2009

Random Photography Dump

I see a pig, a beagle and several badgers. What do you see?

My idea of doing pot on the couch.

I want this. I have a credit card. I am exercising self control.

Can you spare some change?

Not Photoshopped.
Do you know what it is?

Not a meth lab.

1 million internets if you know what's cooking though.

Penny Hates Accessories

In the previous post Sally is wearing a Heart Guard reminder sticker on her head. I sometimes put these on the dogs heads because we administer the medicine (or special treats as they are known) to all the dogs at once which means I really only need one sticker for the calendar.
Penny does not appreciate it when Luke and Sally try to embellish their wardrobes with any accessories and will attack them in a way that says "get that off now!" Penny understands that dressing up dogs is terrible (but dressing up AS a dog is adorable), but she's not content to leave it at silly costumes, collars are fair game as well and Luke usually loses his in the yard once a month.
So here is a picture of Penny attacking Sally's collar because she has noticed the sticker on Sally's head. Penny does not realize, however, that she too is wearing a stupid accessory.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Can You Tell Me What I'm Thinking?

A while back, Jason and I were having a rather sleepy conversation about the random crap people post on Craig's List. Somehow this topic melded with the fact that Sally probably has no idea what is going on in her own head. So we imagined that Sally would put an ad on Craig's List that read something like this:

Can You Tell Me What I'm Thinking?

Date: 2009-09-17, 9:15PM CDT
Reply to:

I don't know, but I really want to know. So if you know, could you tell me? If you tell me, then I will know what I am thinking. This is a picture of me thinking.

  • Location: the smallest kennel
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests, unless those interests are squirrels, water, sticks or bone treats. Table scraps a plus.

PostingID: 12345678

Please feel free to tell Sally what she is thinking in the comments.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Story of Ferocity

Sally Sue, or Zazzaloo as she is better known, is not our most graceful mutt, but she is definitely the sweetest and best at snuggles . She is typically well behaved, or as well behaved as I have come to expect our dogs to be.
But the other day I found something that really sets off the fierce in Sally; a paper tube:
As you can see, having a white couch in my office, which is near the back door is not a good idea, especially when it's raining. Luckily that's a cheap Ikea couch and the cushion covers are machine washable.
Apologies for the quality of the following video, I have very poor lighting in the office. For your viewing pleasure, Sally, and I am speaking to her through the paper tube:

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Mod Podge Is My New Best Friend

Okay I know the last post was Wednesday, but I still feel the need to apologize for staying away. I have a lot of blogs to catch up on as well. To everyone I follow, I haven't lost interest, I just can't comment using my phone's browser on some of your blogs.

Since rearranging the office I have been a crafting machine. I was able to bang out quite a few Christmas presents, pictures will follow after the holidays. I can show these, paper tea lights:So simple, and so pretty! All I did was cut some designs into small pieces of scrap cardstock, glue a piece of vellum to the back and wrap around a 1 1/2" piece of PVC pipe and glue. Once that dried I coated the whole thing in matte finish Mod Podge for strength and visual effect.
The tea lights are LED, Dollar Tree sells them 2 for $1.

I seriously do love Mod Podge and I love it even more when I have a 50% off coupon from Michaels.

Tis the season for it. It's rained all weekend and the temperature has finally dropped to a level in which humans can exist so I'm in a great mood and ready to create. My husband took his mother and godsons to a baseball game last night so I spent a frivolous few hours wandering about the local craft shops. I picked up some fabric and paper remnants. Remnants make me happy for some strange reason. Probably because they're never big enough to be daunting. I have an entire bolt of white broadcloth sitting in my office, that is daunting. Remnants mean little projects and little projects are great because they can be little failures, or big surprises. Either works for me.

In other new, London is out of the picture, but it looks like Jason and I will be exploring Belgium, France and the Netherlands by train in about 2 months. I am VERY excited and can not wait. My stomach rumbles just a little every time I think of Europe. Cheese, chocolate and beer. Perhaps this time I really DO need to try and lose 10 lbs before we go. If nothing else I do need to get walking. I don't want to have to spend a small fortune in bandages like we did on our last visit!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Our Best Worst Anniversary Yet

Monday was Jason and I's 2nd wedding anniversary. You knew this of course, if you read my previous posts about our surprise celebrations for each other.
We decided that since Monday was a holiday that we would not work on the house and have a nice day off together doing fun things.
Jason woke up early and went out to get us coffee. When he came back, he set the coffee on the bedside table and woke me up. Now, there are two things to note here: I am not a morning person and I am blind as a bat. While groping the table for my glasses I knocked over the coffee which went all over the floor, the bed, the wall and the table.
This set the tone for the rest of the day.
We had planned to have a picture date. Normally, we would go into Dallas or Fort Worth or another large city center to do this, but Jason thought it might be fun to go out to the desolate country and snap some photos. We hopped in the car, drove for several hours and came to this conclusion: Desolation does not make good photo material. We saw nothing, but not enough nothing for fantastic picture taking.
We went back home and did a few things around the house and then went out to dinner. Jason made reservations for an Italian restaurant here in town. We dressed up pretty and went out.
It was terrible.
Now, I understand that because both of us are Italian, he grew up in Chicago, me in New York, we both had grandmothers who cooked very well, we're both good cooks and we've been to Italy and had "real" Italian food, that we might be just a little biased.
But there was no justifying this. An Irish Mexican with 3 working tastebuds and a TV Dinner fetish would have said this was awful.
After dinner I suggested trying to find a copy of the final season of Battlestar Galactica since the local Blockbuster does not have it in stock. I found it at Best Buy for $45. I could not justify spending that kind of money on something we would watch once. So we went home.
All in all it was a total failure, but considering we had already got the sweet and funny celebrations and gift giving out of the way, neither one of us minded, we know there will be many, many more :)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I need your help again

Hey folks,
Your Blog Is Awesome is suffering. The "next blog" link is putting me into an endless loop of the same three blogs and I've got a handful of people who have not yet given me permission to link their blogs. So if you've got a blog you want featured, or know someone who does, let me know. I want this to work. I don't know why, I don't stand to profit from it but dammit, it's my small contribution to the internet and I want it to take off.
Ahem, that will be all.

No Really, I Don't Eat Tofu Mashed Potatos

I call myself a vegetarian for lack of a better word, though true vegetarians apparently have an issue with this seeing as I do eat fish, though rarely. I've heard the term "peschetarian" used before but if I said that I'd have to explain my diet to half the people I meet so vegetarian it is.
It's quite simple, if it walks, I don't eat it. Everything else is fair game.

The title actually refers to a comment a co-worker jokingly made last Thanksgiving when I mentioned that we'd be making a Quorn Turk'y. But this leads to the the fact that a lot of people assume that I eat tofu by the truckload, and only tofu.
It's called vegetarianism for a reason: vegetables. I eat them, I love them, they are delicious.
And yes, I cook them. There are many wonderful dishes that can be made without meat, not just salads. Also, there are quite a few companies that make a vast array of vegetarian "meats." Everything from Italian sausage to chicken cutlets and lunch meats. Tofu is nice, but it has it's place, and that is usually in Asian dishes. I don't chop it up and shape it into little t-bone steaks and serve it with a side of potatoes and snap peas, really.
Psst: pasta is a grain, and grains are okay too. Spaghetti can be made without meatballs, really it can.
I would have thought that this was common sense, but there was this one time when I was part of a potluck lunch where I was assured that there would be vegetarian options. It was a Mexican themed lunch. When I got there I found all the fixings for tacos including lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream, meat, beans with meat in them, and a bag of carrots that looked quite out of place. I made a lettuce, tomato and cheese taco. I later found out that the carrots were there to accommodate me. Incidentally I contributed $5 to this pot luck. A can of black beans is 75 cents, a box of rice a roni Spanish rice is $1.50, just sayin'.

So with that said, there's a few things I have to get off my chest:
I'm going to eat what I eat and you should not be offended. Don't tell me "it ain't a meal without meat." Yes, someone said that to me once. The irony is that it was made by a woman who takes the bible at face value, while she was scarfing down bacon, which I do believe comes from an "unclean" animal.
I know there's a lot of militant vegans out there but I am not one of them so I do not resent your cheeseburger. I can not smell the "dead flesh" on you and no, it does not make me feel in any way superior to you so please, eat what you like. In fact, I like cheeseburgers too. Here is a picture of my cheeseburger collection:
Okay so there's a Filet O'Fish in there too, but it fit with the aesthetic I was going for.

For the record, that's not the oddest of my Cubicle decor, this is:

It's blurry, I know.
It's Bob Barker...
who would like to remind you to spay and neuter your pets...
And no matter how much they beg..
they can not has cheeseburger.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The're in Aisle 11...

Slide locks, at the Home Depot. They're in Aisle 11. They have several different varieties, sizes and colors to fit any and all door that you might need to keep shut.
Incidentally Home Depot also stocks screws and screw drivers which can be used to install these magical slide locks.
Home Depot also has "knowledgeable" employees who will gladly tell you how to install a slide lock if you are unsure of the process.
...all of the stalls in the women's restroom have broken locks.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Thank You!

Hey guys! Thanks for the encouraging words on the last post about my crafty endeavors. In all honesty the flowers are not as complicated as they look. They are made out of used copy paper and painted with water based acrylic paint and held together by glue.
Once I get some time to sit down and make them again I'll snap some photos and put up a tutorial.
I might have another successful project to show in the future as well, but I can't say anything now because they will likely be Christmas gifts for family members who read this.
Sorry about the lack of posts recently, I'd write more now, but I am very, very sleepy.*

*So sleepy that I just posted this on the wrong blog. Going to bed now....

Thursday, September 3, 2009

How Crafty

I just spent my evening rearranging my "office." I'm only about half done, I have a lot of crap. Which leads me to the point of this blog.
I've become one of those crazy craft ladies who can't pass up the clearance aisle of the craft stores without picking up something, no matter how unlikely I am to use it. Seriously, I've got tons of paper, fabric scraps, several types of glue, magnets, grommets, exacto knives and scissors aplenty, wire, string, you name it, I probably have it.
Unfortunately what I don't have is time, or very much talent. The one thing I have 100% no talent for is sewing, yet I insist on trying, and I end up with a tortured lump of cloth and thread.

Occasionally I do come up with a gem or two so to make myself feel better I'm posting pictures of my not quite fails.

I'm particularly proud of this purse, which is made out of a cardboard granola box, some vinyl and cotton fabric. The closure is magnetic:Of course, I tried to recreate this, thinking that it would make a great gift idea. Not so much. The next attempt turned into Franken-purse.

The only thing I really have a knack for is paper flowers. They take a while, but usually turn out pretty cute. I made these a long time ago for work. I thought I had a picture of the bouquet, but it must be on my phone. I'll post it if I can find it:

Thanks for putting up with my need to show off!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

So That's What Steam Punk Means

No really, I didn't know. This term, Steam Punk, kept showing up in craft forums, gaming forums and today it showed up on You Suck At Craigslist. So I finally went out to the big bad webs and looked it up. Apparently the origin of the term is contested, but it refers to a style that combines the Victorian era with anachronistic technology such as airships, automatons and all matter of clockworks.
I'm down with that. To a point.
I love robots, especially the robots of the "future" that were supposed to take over the world by the 21st century. Robots with tin faces and cogs a plenty. Robots that made strange clank woosh clank woosh! noises when they walked. Robots that spoke in terrifyingly monotone voices. The kind of robots that caused panic and inspired the career of Isaac Asimov.
And I'm rather fond of the Victorian era which is in many ways not unlike modern times. The rise of the middle class pushing the poor into worsening circumstance, technology advancing at a rapid pace, the rise of the occult and new scientific insights into psychiatry and psychiatric medicine. Yep, the Victorian era brought us Sigmund Freud and Aleister Crowley (That's Mr. Crowley to you, Ozzie!). And fashion, we can't forget about the bustles and petticoats and corsets. This was the era of "it hurts to be beautiful."
So merge these two things and you have Steam Punk. Cool, like I said, I'm down with it.
Except the goggles, what's up with the goggles?

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