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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

No Really, I Don't Eat Tofu Mashed Potatos

I call myself a vegetarian for lack of a better word, though true vegetarians apparently have an issue with this seeing as I do eat fish, though rarely. I've heard the term "peschetarian" used before but if I said that I'd have to explain my diet to half the people I meet so vegetarian it is.
It's quite simple, if it walks, I don't eat it. Everything else is fair game.

The title actually refers to a comment a co-worker jokingly made last Thanksgiving when I mentioned that we'd be making a Quorn Turk'y. But this leads to the the fact that a lot of people assume that I eat tofu by the truckload, and only tofu.
It's called vegetarianism for a reason: vegetables. I eat them, I love them, they are delicious.
And yes, I cook them. There are many wonderful dishes that can be made without meat, not just salads. Also, there are quite a few companies that make a vast array of vegetarian "meats." Everything from Italian sausage to chicken cutlets and lunch meats. Tofu is nice, but it has it's place, and that is usually in Asian dishes. I don't chop it up and shape it into little t-bone steaks and serve it with a side of potatoes and snap peas, really.
Psst: pasta is a grain, and grains are okay too. Spaghetti can be made without meatballs, really it can.
I would have thought that this was common sense, but there was this one time when I was part of a potluck lunch where I was assured that there would be vegetarian options. It was a Mexican themed lunch. When I got there I found all the fixings for tacos including lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream, meat, beans with meat in them, and a bag of carrots that looked quite out of place. I made a lettuce, tomato and cheese taco. I later found out that the carrots were there to accommodate me. Incidentally I contributed $5 to this pot luck. A can of black beans is 75 cents, a box of rice a roni Spanish rice is $1.50, just sayin'.

So with that said, there's a few things I have to get off my chest:
I'm going to eat what I eat and you should not be offended. Don't tell me "it ain't a meal without meat." Yes, someone said that to me once. The irony is that it was made by a woman who takes the bible at face value, while she was scarfing down bacon, which I do believe comes from an "unclean" animal.
I know there's a lot of militant vegans out there but I am not one of them so I do not resent your cheeseburger. I can not smell the "dead flesh" on you and no, it does not make me feel in any way superior to you so please, eat what you like. In fact, I like cheeseburgers too. Here is a picture of my cheeseburger collection:
Okay so there's a Filet O'Fish in there too, but it fit with the aesthetic I was going for.

For the record, that's not the oddest of my Cubicle decor, this is:

It's blurry, I know.
It's Bob Barker...
who would like to remind you to spay and neuter your pets...
And no matter how much they beg..
they can not has cheeseburger.


  1. I'm afraid I rather unkindly call fish and chicken eating vegetarians Confusedatarians, or in the worst examples (fish and chicken and ham eating vegetarians) Liartarians. But then I wear a lot of silk, which involves grubs being boiled or baked alive, so who am I to judge.

    I thought that you were showing off your fridge door there, You have a cubicle?

  2. I occasionally call it the bible diet as well. I like Liaratarian. Someone once offered me pasta with bacon in it as a vegetarian option.
    And yes, I spend 8 hours a day in a box, which likely explains the cuckoo decorations.