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Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Sinister Elf

This is a terrible tale of Christmas terror! (oooooooooo!)


I have been googling for weeks to find a picture of this little guy:
I had hoped that my mother still had him somewhere but she claims he has finally met his demise. For all I know, this is the very ornament that plagued my family for years. This was the only picture I could find of him and it was on an auction site.

My mother claims that she purchased the elf ornament at one of those in home gift catalog parties that were popular in the 70's. You know, like Tupperware and Party Lights and those parties that sell items that are shipped in discreet brown paper packages?
My sister claims the elf fell through a portal from hell.
We had had this ornament for as long as I can remember and it never really bothered anyone until one year when my sister was about 12 or 13 and she decided that the elf was evil. I don't remember how it came up, but I remember her walking over to the tree, declaring him evil and popping him out of his pine cone with intent to toss him in the trash.
The following day the elf was back in his pine cone, staring off into space and clutching his harp.
"Hey Shannon, I thought you were going to toss the elf."
"Holy $#!& I told you he was evil!"
Again she took him from the tree and tossed him in the trash.
And again, the elf was back on his perch the following day.
Several more attempts to rid us of the cherubic spawn of Satan produced the same result.
My sister eventually decided it was useless and that we were all doomed. She stopped trying to destroy the elf and he lived among us for many years to come (well, with the exception of that one year that, inspired by Sweet Valley High, I convinced my mom to let me decorate the tree in all blue and silver ornaments. I wish I was joking).
Was he truly a powerful force of evil?
Was he a misunderstood and benevolent guardian angel?
Or was he simply a slightly dated and off beat ornament that a teenage girl might have felt sorry for and rescued from the trash every night?
The world may never know*

*until they read this post, that is ;)

6 comments:

  1. When I look at him, I see his little evil legs doing a jig.

    Now I fear it is time that I introduce the blogosphere to the Apple Lady...

    Which reminds me - I've been working under the assumption that you either are the sock puppet aka TPH or are married to the sock puppet or are in some way in the sock puppet venn diagram. I've always rather liked not knowing exactly. TPH moves in mysterious ways. Either that or Texas is the centre of coolness. But now I'm wondering if you've heard all my stories before!

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  2. Glory I can assure you that Texas is NOT the center of coolness, but don't tell those cats in Austin, let them hold on to their dillusional dreams.
    I have to admit you've lost me with this one, what is the TPH? Google turns up everything from Total Petroleum Hydrocarbons to the Walther TP and TPH handguns.
    Do elaborate! (Yep, that pretty much outs me as not the sock puppet that you are looking for.)

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  3. That elf looks so evil! I don't know if it's the oversized head, the dead eyes, or the creepy little body, but it creeps me out a lot!

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  4. TPH is a Texan sock puppet who enjoys whisky, bacon, animism, kindness to dogs and writing very excellent poetry and stories. I can't offer you a link as TPH's myspace is now private and the blog is coming up as infected by malware. It was TPH who encouraged me to do blogging, first at myspace and then facebook and now here.

    If TPH begins blogging again we should get you on the sock puppet venn diagram.

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  5. What a creepy little elf. It completely beats my elf with soulless black eyes. I can definitely tell it was made in the 70s though

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  6. Definitely evil! I can picture you two so vividly.

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