I've developed a seasonal phobia. Blame it on the Burger King, or clowns, or the creepy painting in my doctor's office, or...well I don't know. But this guy does:
The worst part is that most of these Soldiers of Satan aren't even functioning nutcrackers. They come in all sizes from tiny ornaments to life sized blow up sentinels of electricity consumption.
Beyond the nutcracker, I haven't found much about Christmas that I don't like. I suppose the whole "War on Christmas" thing annoys me. Personally, I don't care if a store emblazons their windows with "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays", "Happy Hanukkah", "Happy Kwanza", or even "It's December, Buy Stuff!" (though that would be awesome and if I ever own a store that's what I'm doing). The point to me isn't the name, it's the happy and merry part. I mean, come on, it's December, and in the northern hemisphere that means it's cold. People get crabby when they're cold so we need more happy and merry. And if blinking lights, mechanized snowmen and reindeer, pine trees, and electric bills that require a federal bailout make you happy, then I say awesome! Just pass on the nutcracker, okay?